"Wilderness Wanderings, Giants and the Promised Land": My Spiritual Trek

As my senior year of high school is ended, I want to take a short detour from my worship/ theological posts and relate the story of how I went  from an apathetic thirteen year old nominal Arminian Baptist to an eighteen year old fiery Catholic (i.e. Liturgical) Presbyterian.

One of the most difficult questions I have ever had in my life is, "So when we're you saved and how?" It's on nearly every form related to ministry and I still have trouble really answering it. Looking back, I would divide my life into three stages: (I've divided it by age but this is not an exact division...)
Pre-Apathetic Period (1-6/7)
Apathetic Period (6/7-13/14)
Reformed Period (13/14 to the day I die...)

From Eden to Egypt
I don't have much to say about the first period. I remember little of it but I do remember a strong love for scripture and God. That's what throws the monkey wrench as we will see.

At the age of about seven I slowly turned my back on God. I never stopped believing in Him or His word. I just thought that I could somehow segregate my life and put the Bible and everything related to God in one "room" and my hobbies (and the rest of my life) in another.
It just don't work that way folks. God will have all...

So, by thirteen I really knew nothing about anything when it came to Theology etc. I knew some facts from the Bible but not much else. And then it happened.

Giants in the Land
In His perfect timing God orchestrated the great turning point of my life. Two events, occurring back to back, rocked my apathetic self to life and started me on a journey. The first was a audio lecture by the Charismatic Andrew Womack, presenting Arminianism at it's extreme. I had never heard the discussion much except once when our Pastor, in preaching through Ephesians, talked about Predestination. I rejected it and paid little more attention. Until that Saturday night. I wanted everything Mr. Womack said to be true- but deep down something- or Someone- told me it wasn't.

The following day (Sunday) our assistant pastor, David Baker (at this time we were attending Abundant Life Baptist Church, a semi-reformed congregation depending on which aisle you sat on.), was preaching from I Thessalonians and of course Paul, as he always does, calls them elect. So here I had a rebuttal to everything Mr. Womack had said. Every objection I raised in my mind Pastor Baker struck down...it was almost like he heard my mental disagreement and answered it. I left church that day wanting so bad to believe Predestination was wrong but I could not.

You see, at that age I knew little (Bible wise that is) but I knew one thing: God is in control of everything. I couldn't, in my mind, say He didn't predestine without saying He isn't in control. So I struggled. I fought, clawed, kicked and scraped but to no avail. So I became a "Calvinist". And here 's the strangest part- I cannot for the life of me remember when it happened. But I think it happened when I realized why I refused to believe, namely: "If God chooses who is saved, what if He didn't choose me? Am I doomed to...to.." you can finish the rest I think. My heart had drifted so far away from God I thought it was more than likely I was of the non-elect. And then God let the light in when I understood Total Depravity.

"The carnal mind is enmity against God" says Romans 8 and I realized that if I loved God, (which I did) and wasn't superficial (which is was rapidly getting away from) then it was God's doing. Remembering how hard my heart had been, I saw that only God could have changed me. And so I embraced the Doctrines of Grace.

The Promise Land
So now at 13 I had finally come to grips with the Sovereignty of God and began searching out more. Interestingly, before understanding and embracing "Calvinism" I had already accepted Preterism. For all all of my life I had known nothing but Dispensationalism and rapture theology. And I was terrified. In my early years, I used to listen to these Bible Audio Drama tapes at night. One night I was listening to one where Christ gives the Olivet discourse and suddenly I broke out in chills. That started a few years of Eschatonphobia. I was under the impression that if I wasn't careful and always looking for the rapture, I'd miss it. Well, you know sometimes you get busy and what if.... (gasp!)

Then I heard about Preterism and it fell on me a like river of life giving water. It made sense- shouldn't the last book of the Bible be an encouragement rather than a horror thriller book? Next was Paedobaptism, something I had never heard of but after thinking it over and reading I Corinthians 1:14 I accepted without any hesitation. However, I continued to study the topic and became more and more convinced. As far as doctrine, the last "new" idea I accepted was Postmillinnialism.


As I look back over the paths and roads I traveled, the giants fought and the rivers forded over the last 18 years, I thank God for everything and look forward to future developments in my journey, trusting my King, my Creator, My Redeemer and My God to guide me.